


Not Enough

by supernaturaloneshots



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Being Dean, Eating Disorders, F/M, Fainting, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Malnutrition, Mention of a drip, Mention of vampires and death, Overworking, Reader doesnt care about themself, Sam Winchester Takes Care of Reader, Sam is in love with the reader, Starvation, death of family members, mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 19:30:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15154064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturaloneshots/pseuds/supernaturaloneshots
Summary: You’ve been hunting with the Winchesters for a while but you just don't feel like you belong. You don’t feel like you could ever live up to the legacy that the brothers hold. You can’t help but feel like a failure compared to them. Sam thinks differently.





	Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually one of my favourite fics I've written so I hope you enjoy it!!

It had been hard trying to fit in when you first began hunting with the Winchesters. I mean, it’s the freaking Winchesters! They’re legendary! You’ve heard stories about them for years now. Sam and Dean Winchester have been household names to any hunter ever since Mary died. So, when you met them, you were unsurprisingly intimidated to start working with them. They were some big footsteps (quite literally) to follow. For the first year of hunting with the Winchesters, you did everything you could to make sure that every hunt went right: you researched until you had read every single piece of lore you could, you trained even more in your spare time and you helped do anything you could around the bunker. You were exhausted all the time but you felt like you needed to work to be even near the same level as Sam and Dean.  
You were overworking yourself day and night, working your ass off just to fit it and it began to take a toll on you. You barely slept, only catching an hour or so here and there and you were drinking so much coffee you were rivalling the Gilmores. You had probably read all the books in the Men on Letters library at least twice. You had them all catalogued and decoded the notes that the Men of Letters had left in the margins. You had done this non-stop since you moved in with the Winchesters but your efforts seemed to go unnoticed. You had hoped that the younger Winchester, whom you had gained quite a large crush on in the time you had been hunting with him and his brother, would notice all your challenging work and would return your feelings.  
But no matter what you did, you still felt like you weren’t worthy. You still felt useless to the boys and you thought they would probably better off with you. You felt completely worthless. And you had convinced yourself that you were. You told yourself daily that you could do better, that you should work harder, that you should try being at least a ¼ of how amazing the Winchesters were. You thought that you could just keep working yourself to get there.  
Everything was going fine, besides from your tired, sunken eyes and rapidly thinning frame that was caused by sleep deprivation, lack of food (you never looked up from the lore long enough to eat) and overworking yourself in the gym. Sam, Dean and you were on a case: a simple vampire nest that had taken little to no research to find where they were. You were entering the warehouse, ignoring the loud rumble of your stomach, and the deep, painful thumping of your head as you, followed by Sam and Dean, stalked stealthily across the battered floor with your machetes held up high, ready to attack.  
Suddenly, you heard a loud hissing sound and Dean yelling ‘’Y/N! BEHIND YOU!’’. Your aching head delayed your thoughts and by the time you had turned around, the vampire was eye to eye with you and scraped a huge gash along your arm. That, mixed with the pain of your head and the somehow even louder grumble of your stomach caused your vision to darken and your knees to buckle underneath you.  
You woke up and found yourself faced with a bright white light. The aching pain in your head had surprisingly lessened, considering the fact that you had hit it when you fell. You struggled to open your eyes fully and you still couldn’t recognise where you were. You raised your hand up to block the light and saw a drip in your hand.  
‘’The fuck?’’ You croaked, as you began to realise where you were. Why the hell were you in a hospital? What the hell happened? You turned around to search the room only to be met with the warm, worried eyes of Sam Winchester. Seeing that you had woken, he raised a hand to your face and pushed a stray hair out of your face.  
‘’Hey. You took a pretty big fall back there. You okay?’’  
‘’Oh my god, did I faint? Ugh, that’s so embarrassing. Did you get the vamps? God, I can’t believe I passed out before we even got the vamps!’’ You gushed, mortified by the entire situation.  
‘’Hey, hey, hey, calm down. We got the vamps but that’s not what matters. Are you okay? The doctor said you passed out because you were malnourished, and he says that you’re severely underweight. Y/N, what the hell’s going on with you? Why aren’t you eating?’’  
Sighing, you decided that you should probably tell Sam what was going on. ‘’I just don’t really have time to eat. I’ve been trying to catch up to you and Dean since I’ve started hunting with you guys. I’ve been working my ass off doing notes and research and sorting through all the lore we have and I just can’t do it! I can’t catch up!’’  
‘’What do you mean, catch up? Catch up with what?’’  
‘’I’ll just never be like you, Sam! I’ll never catch up with all the hunting you and Dean have done! I can never be as good as you! I can’t do it, Sam! I just can’t fucking do it!’’  
‘’Of course, you’re as good as us! Hell, Y/N, I think you’re ten times better than me! And I don’t think you realise, but I’ve noticed everything you’ve done! I’ve been watching you since you’ve joined us. I mean, I thought you would have noticed; Dean teases me about it all the time!’’  
‘’Wait, what?’’ You gaped at him, completely shocked by what you were hearing.  
‘’Y/N, I’ve been in love with you for months. Ever since you started hunting with us.’’  
‘’You’re kidding, right?’’  
‘’Nope,’’ he replied, a smirk beginning to grow on his face. ‘’I love you, Y/N. So damn much.’’  
‘’I… I love you, too.’’  
If possible, the smile that was on his face got even bigger. He moved his hand from where it was resting beside your cheek to the back of your neck as he pulled your lips to meet his. Immediately, you felt sparks, like a thousand fireworks had been set off at the same time. You moved in sync, pushing your body up the awkward hospital bed to get as close as you could to Sam. Things were beginning to heat up when you both heard a pointed cough from behind you. Separating quickly and snapping your heads around, you were met with a smirking Dean leaning smugly against the door frame.  
‘’Don’t let me interrupt! I just pop in to check in to make you were doing okay, but I see Sammy’s already done that!’’ Dean chuckled, weirdly unfazed by what he had walked in on. ‘’Oh, also, the doctor said that you can leave now. Anyway, I’ll be going now. I’ll let you get back to… that.’’  
He walked over to Sam, gave him a hard whack on the back and walked back out of the room, muttering something that sounded something like ‘finally grew some balls’.  
‘’I’m sorry about Dean. He can be a bit of an asshole sometimes.’’  
‘’It's fine. I just want to say thank you, Sam. Thank you for showing me that I don’t need to work my ass off to be a good hunter. Thank you.’’  
‘’There’s no need to thank me, Y/N. Just promise me that you’ll start taking care of yourself, okay?’’  
‘’I promise.’’  
You leaned up and kissed him gently but passionately, trying to convey your feelings through the kiss. You pulled apart and rested your foreheads together, whispering a silent ‘thank you’ and hugging him tightly, holding on tight.


End file.
